When I used to push A4 I got the Marlboro Man. Now I get the Vape Maverick. More human shield than body guard.

Bryan consistently greets me like a friend of his mom's he ran into at a strip club.

I start by casually mentioning that I've been watching a new reality show. I pause, pacing like I'm trying to remember the name.

Iran War.

I was delighted to co-host with Jimmy in the big room at One Star.

The 5 O'Clock has an energetic crowd, and when I mentioned Lucy's eyeballs, I was stopped with a loud "WHAAAT THA?" I then had to explain how she was martyred and had her eyeballs plucked out, which is why she is often depicted holding them on a plate. Yes, I understand how weird this sounds. Yes, these are my people.

We were assigned a five-minute set we would be working on for the next couple of weeks and then performing at a graduation show. Bill suggested thinking of a funny story or situation that could inspire a set. I immediately thought of my snappy crotch.