Mic 34 Prompted

Venues: One Star 

Hosts: Bill Squire Jimmy Kilius

Shows: Fight for Your Right 

Set Time:  3

Bill Squire is stepping up his comedy and marketing game. He hosts a number of shows in the area and he is tightening them up by bringing in other comics and making his booked shows a little harder to get into. Quality over quantity and I am a big fan of that.

One of the things he is stepping up is “Stand and Deliver” — a concept where the audience gives two chosen comedians 5 prompts and they have 40 minutes to write jokes and go toe to toe on the delivery.

I am a junkie for competition and so I am hooked. I haven’t even seen it and I am hooked. I have signed up for more with less information and zero odds of being successful. 

So, for fun, and for prep to go to One Star on Monday, I had ChatGPT make a list of prompts for jokes from an audience in Lakewood that was mostly male, 25–38, and then a more generic crowd.

The first prompt was AI taking jobs. Was it offended I asked it. 

I am the problem.

I took the rest of the prompts, wrote them down and gave myself 15 minutes to write 5 jokes and then did it again.

I hit the timer and immediately froze.

I could almost hear a timer ticking in my ear.

Tick, tick, tick 

I literally couldn’t think of anything for several seconds 

Then — click.

I locked in and pounded out jokes.

They weren’t bad. In my head they were really a good start to better jokes and some were just funny out of the gate. I decided to try them out at One Star tonight and also check in with Bill about this new format.

I thought the best joke was one about grandparenting vs parenting.

My grandson is kind of a dick. And I love it. He looks at me with a side eye when he is about to commit a crime and I am warm in my heart. I didn’t want my children to do this because I was not interested in the aftermath, but now it’s their problem — it is my favorite thing to watch.

For my set I thought I would lean into sports jokes and see how they played.

I am so excited we are getting a women’s NBA. I don’t understand basketball very well, and the women play slower, so that will help me get the game. It didn’t land the way I wanted which made me feel good. It was a little sexist, even though it is true and so I didn’t really want it to earn a bit laugh. 

I am loving the World Cup, and I am so excited that Americans can learn geography from something other than invasions, kidnappings, and wars.

I am new to the Cleveland Browns support team. And I feel like the Myles Garrett thing was on brand. From what I can see, the Browns front office has taken mid-west to be a standard — with an ultimate goal of Mid. There are not buildings for success, there are buildings for controversy, and that is cheaper and holds the fan base longer.

While we are talking about the Browns, the Sanders Watson decision is an easy one for me. I love Sanders. I am secretly dating his father, Deion — yes, he knows. He signed the restraining order back when he was a Seminole. I’ll take a difficult father over a legal team any day.

Usually I weave a story into it with jokes, but this was just a running list. I stuck to the sports ones because I like a theme, and it helps the audience follow along. It felt a little awkward and I caught myself mentioning that we are a soccer family as I transitioned from the WNBA to the World Cup and making my Browns love personal helped it feel more like me. I know some comics can stand and just tell jokes, I truly feel this is a conversation and just shouting out joke after joke setup punchline style is more like comedy Tourette’s for me than my style of comedy which is more personal dialogue and observational humor.

All in all it felt good — new stuff, fresh, parts I can use and work on, and it really piqued my interest in Stand and Deliver. I am adding it to my writing requirements for the week. I am sure that comics would say this is something you need to do to get better, and they are probably correct. It makes sense. Like everything, it is not magic. It takes work.

After the show, Bill was seated at a small table to the side of the stage where he and Jimmy, his co-host, post up and do the show.  He had his drink and was relaxing and chatting with some people now that the show was over.  I stepped up and launched into a conversation, interrogation, I started to chat with Bill about the new format and Stand and Deliver.  Somehow I come across as interrogating. Ok, to be fair, Dale Carnegie did ingrain aggressive curiosity in me and so maybe it can read as cross-examination. It is probably unfair to deploy such tactics on a comedy host on a Monday night after a show.

Bill — what’s the new format?

Did you watch the YouTube?

There’s a YouTube?

Yes, I should have sent it to you.

Nope.

Well, do you have a good five-minute set?

What for?

To get booked.

I don’t even know what the format is.

Oh, just good comics doing 5-minute sets. Then Stand and Deliver.

What is Stand and Deliver?

Have you been to the other show where we do it?

Nope.

Oh, well we give 2 comics that are booked 5 audience prompts. They go in another room while the show goes on, and at the end, they tell their jokes.

So they get the whole show to write?

Yes.

So how do you pick them?

You have to be really good.

What does that mean?

I mean I pick really good comedians.

Oh, so you pick them?

Yes. Me and Amy do.

Oh, that’s what I was asking — like what’s the process. But now I hear you saying I’m not funny?

No. That’s not what I’m saying. You are funny. I am just saying —

That I am not funny enough?

No.

We just pick comics who can write jokes.

I write jokes. I wrote jokes for tonight.

(Crickets) (Mumbling) (Smiles of awkwardness and disdain)

I have to stop him — I am literally torturing him right now.

So, get better, and maybe some day I can do Stand and Deliver.

Yes.

Okay. Have a great night.

I know I am new.

I truly just wondered how it all worked.

That’s my time.