39 Cougar in the Wild
I can't put a pineapple in my shopping cart without a sign that says: I am making a fruit plate. Step away.
Mic 37: Bombing
I had to tell my husband that “things were not right.’
That is the universal code for a GI issue in our house.
Then I had to make a case to go to the ER without conveying too much information.
“The train has been off schedule for a bit and I am worried.”
Mic 36 The Difference Between Failing and Bombing
I was at the Lakewood Village Tavern (LVT) last week and I failed. No, I didn't bomb. I failed. The LVT is an institution. It has been 15 years of comedy and it has been a rotation for the area that draws all kinds of comedians.
Mic 35 Go with the Flow
There are days as I write this blog, spend a couple hours writing material, reviewing tape — that I feel like I am doggie paddling toward something I can’t see in the middle of the ocean.
Mic 34 Prompted
I am loving the World Cup, and I am so excited that Americans can learn geography from something other than invasions, kidnappings, and wars.
Mic 33 One More
Comedians and toddlers might be the only groups of people who can disrupt a list so badly that it creates a "we are all in this together" mentality "strap in and let's see where this goes" ride.
Mic 32 — She/They
Saturday’s She/They Show was full of surprises. Obstacles, Easter eggs, you know I don’t exactly know what to call the new things I am continuously learning or exposed to. Honestly it is like walking into a spider web every time I go out to do comedy.
Mic 31 THe Spotlight
I have never been to the Spotlight and have no idea what to expect. I have no time to shower, re-do my hair and so it is a "come as you are" kind of night. Yay!
Mic 30 Press Record
I Did Everything Right at My Open Mic — Except Hit Record
Do you know how committed a 58-year-old woman has to be to shower and get dressed twice in a day? I only blow my hair out for special occasions and unless my grandson throws up on me, a second outfit and shower in one day is very rare.
Mic 29 Emotional Support
On Instagram DMs, Inflatable Dinosaurs, and Accidentally Becoming the French Bulldog of Cleveland Comedy
Honestly, what the actual F-word is wrong with me?
I mean I am out here doing this comedy thing. I am at bars with other comedians standing up and telling jokes. I am writing a blog, making social posts, and being part of the scene and yet I feel so far behind.
For the record, I was never an awkward teenage girl.
Mic 28 Overtime
A Cavs Win, a Shared Hamburger, and the Night I Finally Stopped Being Adjacent to the Group
This back room at the LVT is normally dark at 10 on a Wednesday, small stage, one mic, one light. Tonight it is bright with the glow of the game. We are cheering. I am cheering. Professional basketball. I have no real interest in professional basketball. But that collective effervescence is contagious.
Mic 27 Storyteller Open Mic
The Snappy Crotch Story, the Security Wand, and the Biggest Damn Panties Anyone Had Ever Seen
I am a public speaker. Dale Carnegie graduate turned instructor. This comedy thing has got me back into writing and everything that goes along with it so a stop in at Story Club was a box I wanted to check. I told the story of my snappy crotch.
Mic 26 Tradvestite
Ambitious, Domestic, and Confused: A Field Guide to Women Who Do Both
I was recently called a trad wife and I was confused. I mean, I make most of the money — and all of the decisions. But I also make candles.
Mic 25 Mrs. Hayes and the Vape Maverick
On Being the Substitute Teacher Energy in a Room Full of Unresolved Authority Issues
When I used to push A4 I got the Marlboro Man. Now I get the Vape Maverick. More human shield than body guard.
Mic 23 & 24 UNPREPARED
What Happens When You Walk Up With Nothing and Trust the Room
My husband sleeps 13" from the side of the bed. I know because I measured it with a yardstick while he was sleeping. A queen bed is 18" narrower than a king. Do the math — he feels romantic, he can knock me off the bed. We have a twin, a queen and a king in the house. So we've been sleeping around — like Goldilocks, if Goldilocks had a yardstick and trust issues.
Mic 22 Friend of My Mom
Being Treated Like a Strip Club Acquaintance of Bryan's Mother Has Its Advantages
Bryan consistently greets me like a friend of his mom's he ran into at a strip club.
Mic 21 Short Form
One Minute. One Idea. Nowhere to Hide.
I start by casually mentioning that I've been watching a new reality show. I pause, pacing like I'm trying to remember the name.
Iran War.
MIc 20 Family Time-ing
When Your Family Material Writes Itself (Whether You Want It To or Not)
We raised two beautiful daughters. It was a good day at the Hayes house if nobody ended up on the pipe or the pole.
Mic 19 Monday in the News
Why Current Events Comedy Is Brave, Stupid, and Completely Irresistible
The other thing about current events — people have opinions. Strong ones. And the internet didn't just give them a platform, it gave their inside voice a megaphone.